Supporting Parents in the Workplace, with Aoife Lee

In the latest episode of The Red Cube Podcast, Great Place to Work CEO Cathal Divilly sits down with Aoife Lee, Founder & Parent Coach at Parent Support, to explore ways workplaces can create a supportive environment for working parents. Aoife shares insights from her years of experience, discussing how employers can meaningfully engage and support parents through the highs, lows, and pivotal moments of parenting. She also touches on the broader impact these efforts can have on workplace culture and how understanding these needs can boost both morale, performance, and trust. This episode is essential listening for any organisation aiming to build an inclusive, family-friendly work culture.

Listen below! 👇

Subscribe and Listen on:

 To get in touch with Aoife email aoife@parentsupport.ie or go to her website www.parentsupport.ie

> In this podcast

Aoife Lee

Founder & Parent Coach

Parent Support

Cathal Divilly

CEO 
Great Place to Work Ireland

> About Aoife

Aoife is a mum of three children; award winning, accredited parent coach and founder of Parent Support.  She has been supporting families for the last 23 years, regularly appearing on Irish Radio & TV, chatting about all things parenting. Aoife is well known for delivering her parenting series and one to one consultations, by supporting diversity in the workplace, offering family focused programmes. Empowering employees and employers with the flexibility to manage work and caregiving. Aoife previously worked for over 12 years with the Health Service Executive as part of an Early Intervention Team and children in care.

More resources on this topic:

• Paternity Leave: Great Workplaces Advancing Shared Parenting
• How to Empower Women at Work
• How to Support Parents and Create Family Friendly Cultures

About Great Place to Work®

Great Place to Work® is the global authority on workplace culture. We help organisations quantify their culture and produce better business results by creating a high-trust work experience for all employees. We recognise Great Place to Work-Certified™ companies and the Best Workplaces™ in more than 60 countries. To join the thousands of companies that have committed to building high-trust company cultures that help them attract, contact us today, and click below to find out more about how to get Certified.

>Transcript

Cathal Divilly: Welcome Red Cube listeners to our latest episode of the Red Cube. We're delighted to welcome from Parent Support Aoife Lee, Aoife, you're very welcome. 

Aoife Lee: I am delighted to be featuring on the podcast. It's a pleasure and an honour - looking forward to having the chats today. 

Cathal Divilly: Great, love the chats, Aoife. I think for the listeners, can you share the - yeah, let's share the story behind Parent Support, kind of what inspired you to set the organisation up and give people a sense as to what Parent Support do. 

Aoife Lee: Yeah. I’ve been supporting families pretty much for the past 23 years, primarily with the Health Service Executive, working in early intervention and with children in care. Since 2013, when I went back to study, I set up Parent Support, and it’s very much been supporting working families in the workplace as part of their wellness and wellbeing initiatives in the form of parenting series and one-to-one consultations from SMEs to multinationals. I’ve been so lucky with my clients over the years. 

And then additional side of the job is I would regularly feature, contribute to Irish telly and radio, a nice little extra of what I do talking all things parenting. But for the most part, in my own experience both dealing with the employer but also employees —working families, moms, dads— they’re feeling quite overwhelmed, more so than ever, managing work and family life. It can get full-on. We don’t really know what’s going on in people’s lives, but I could see that there was a need for that extra support, guidance, and reassurance.  

For the most part, I created my parenting series and it’s been a really key part of that support. Insofar as what they provide, it’s that guidance, that support, that reassurance, and often relieving guilt and stress. People, I suppose, often feel like they’re on their own, wondering how everyone else is managing, when really, we’re all kind of in the same boat. And for the most part and interestingly enough, the same worries and challenges come up for everybody, it’s just that we’re in different family setups and family units and circumstances.  

So it’s quite reassuring, if you are in a group setting, whether it’s on-site in an office, or you’re sharing the webinar experience, to hear other people’s stories or just get that acknowledgement, can be quite validating. Certainly from Parent Support’s perspective, it’s been a great initiative and great support for many companies. 

Cathal Divilly: It's great work you're doing Aoife - you talked about guilt there. Talk to me a bit more about the guilt that people feel. 

Aoife Lee: Yeah, a lot of us can keep it at bay. We don't want to necessarily come across or be perceived as vulnerable, particularly if we are in a higher position in the job and we're leading a team or we're, you know, there's high expectation. So to admit that you are feeling overwhelmed, it's often linked to self-care and it’s something I talk about in my sessions a lot.  

But for the most part, for most of us who are working to pay the bills and from my clients, from their perspective, they're supporting the family and the kids at home. They're keeping the show on the road, but they're also trying to meet the needs of and the roles they play in their jobs. So when those two worlds collide somewhat and something comes up, that feeling of guilt can really come into play. And I always say to families and my clients that if it's something that you are experiencing right now, it's acknowledging that yes, I might not necessarily have control over the feelings of guilt, but what can I influence?  

You know, sometimes families will say “my kids are having a really tough time”, it might be their teenagers, and they're really going through the mill, they're struggling with their friends and their confidence and their schoolwork. And then you've got the younger kids like, why can't you pick me up from school or why are you always going away? Why am I always the child that's not being, you know, their parents aren’t at the door. And that's where the guilt can kick in.  

So recognising, acknowledging it, what actually has worked well for me before and also asking the question like, what's really important to me and when we even look at our values to what's important to us, it often can validate where we need to and where we want to spend our time. It's really important that we go easy on ourselves because life is very busy and we're often pulled in lots of different directions, so acknowledging that bit and then focusing on, well, what could make things a little bit easier, both for myself but also the kids – can be a real starting point in that. 

Cathal Divilly: And I wanna get into Aoife then what the employer can do for the employee if you like. But just before that, the guilt piece - is that on the rise with social media? Does social media have an impact in terms of that guilt that people are feeling? 

Aoife Lee: Yeah, well, like social media can be great for businesses! But for the person that's scrolling, there's such high expectations, and comparison. And this is where I go back to that point of how is everyone else doing it? The grass is always greener. They seem to be just flying out the door, happy out, kids are happy. But like that, we just don't know what's going on. Social media and what we see online, it's very superficial. It's very much a facade and also, the information out there – and it’s often very supportive – it can be again overwhelming and you're trying to figure out, where do I start?  

So feelings of guilt and self-care, it's a big conversation. I think there's a lot more we can do to ease and relieve that and it's again taking that pressure off ourselves and looking at well, what supports do I have in place both for myself, but what’s my employer doing as well. We hear the big word of mental health, it's such a focus now, but parenting and family life are such a big part of that as well. Often there is the separateness for employers like, right, well, the employee is here to do the job and they're at home then and it can be quite separate. But if you've got stuff going on at home, it's very hard for it not to spill over, whether it is your form or how you present yourself or again stress levels and the productivity levels. So I feel it's really important to acknowledge that and when employers are able to validate that pressure, that overwhelm, that feeling of guilt, it can be quite reassuring in itself for the employee too, you know. 

Cathal Divilly: We know Aoife from the work we do right that the best workplaces, the great workplaces, they show up for people in these life moments, right. They see it as a separate thing. Can you share some practical ways that the employer, the organisation, can show up for people in this area? 

Aoife Lee: I think the hope is that employers recognise that family is a huge part of our lives, whether we realise it or not, it plays a significant role. And when like that, stress burnout, feeling of parental overwhelm, that guilt that we spoke about starts to impact our daily lives – it's really helpful and productive to look beyond that. So I always say have a consistent open door policy if you can. So employees feel and experience, there's that safe space to chat.  

It's like for anyone listening that has teenagers in particular, when they more gravitate towards their friends and they're not telling us as much. You always want your kids to know that you have the safe space to have that conversation, where it’ll be confidential and to be able to kind of have that understanding, somewhat flexibility, and I know this is going to vary and I know there’ll be different priorities depending on the company and the role you're in. But having an open-door policy, knowing that it's there can be a real safety net and a comfort.  

What can also be really helpful is leaders and employers having the people skills to be tuned in, to be aware, to be vigilant. If you can recognise or you're aware that something's going on for an employee, even just checking in. One line of how are you doing? How are you getting on? Sometimes it's the simplest one-line question that can open up the floodgates. And while some might want to avoid that, it’s again recognising and validating where that person might be and creating those support programmes. We have got stress tests and nutrition and fitness and like that, collaboratives to different areas of mental health and from my perspective and for a lot of my clients and new potential clients that get in touch with me, they're getting in touch because they have the best interests of their employees at heart. 

It's creating programmes where it's going to meet the needs of your employees. There's a lot to be said when workers see that their employer is embracing them and supports them and sees them both as an asset, as well as a caregiver. That satisfaction in the workplace will grow significantly. 

Cathal Divilly: One of the things that I think our listeners will be thinking about Aoife is, you know, I have lots of different managers and I have lots of different leaders and some of them are good with people and some of them are perhaps a little bit more challenged in terms of how they deal with people. Did you have a specific programme that you put into place with workplaces? 

Aoife Lee: Currently, a lot of my clients are booking in a family support series, so it's not just a one-off talk on National Wellbeing Day in May. You know, it's great to recognise and celebrate wellbeing, but family is 365 days a year and if you've got different family members, ages and stages, they will require many needs. And like that we've a lot of families that are caring for family members. So I try and reach all demographics insofar as working families are concerned. Going from mams and dads returning from parental, maternity, adoptive leave right through up to the teenage years.  

One particular client I’ve just finished with, we just finished a six-part series and it's spread out over a period of time, and it's just everyone's box is being ticked. Everyone's been acknowledged. And I think for the parenting piece, it's not as prioritised as other aspects of those wellness initiatives. But I continue to advocate for families because I am there myself and I know how challenging it can be, so it can be really empowering when parents and carers can come away from these sessions thinking wow, I actually thought I was the only one here, but I'm not because everyone else is talking about it.  

Cathal Divilly: Is that part of it Aoife, when people join those sessions, they hear other people's struggles and stories, is that useful? 

Aoife Lee: Yeah, it's that validation bit. Now I try and make my sessions quite informative but informal. So I try and come in in a nice kind of relaxed way, provide as much practical advice as possible. But also there's that openness for questions and answers. Some can be a lot more interactive, engaging than others, but as a parent myself I share as well very practical and real-life scenarios and situations. And people come away with a handful of resources that they can go to. So it's not like they're sharing their own private scenarios or situations, but for the most part the feedback is they can recognise what I talk about, either in their own situations or maybe a loved one that they know. 

I've grandparents attending my sessions, I’ve aunties and uncles, I've godparents I've parents and carers and guardians, foster parents like it's huge and as we know, in the workplace, diversity and inclusion it's massive now. So it's trying to be as inclusive as possible. 

Cathal Divilly: Of course, and it's shining a light on the area of parenting and ensuring that it's part of the mix when we think of the culture and the wellbeing offering that's there in a safe way. Families are showing up in different ways, Aoife, of course than traditionally how families would show up, right? How does that tie into your work? 

Aoife Lee: Yeah. I think it's brilliant! I did an onsite panel discussion earlier this week and we had a large room of both males and females, so there was a lot of dads there representing the families. And that's where, you know, there's been such focus on the women and the mums, you know, being that carer, but now more than ever we want to really start encouraging those shared parenting responsibilities. 

Throughout the last 10 years I've been seeing a lot more dads get involved and you want it to be the norm. So if the opportunity is there and the support is there for mams as well as dads to attend these sessions, then if they're there and the opportunities are there, then they'll show up. But if they're not there, it can be challenging. So I work with families one-on-one both in the workplace but also privately. And I would have dads, and they have to drop their little one at the creche or their child, who is maybe experiencing separation anxiety or anxiety going in to school. I've got dads talking about struggling with the relationship they have with their teenager. And they're really struggling. So it's recognising that dads are struggling too, as well as the moms. So it's great to see the diversity of who's showing up in these sessions. 

Cathal Divilly: As we're talking about it right, it is of course the right thing to do, Aoife, right, it's like, of course that’s the right thing to do. Have you faced much resistance from leaders or a leader and I suppose how do you approach – I'm just thinking about the organisations that are listening, right? Maybe thinking of a particular leader that they have and wondering, well, how am I actually going to sell this internally? 

Aoife Lee: Yeah, the resistance I often see can come from a place where maybe leaders don't know what their employees need. And they mightn’t be familiar with the demographic, they genuinely don't know what the daily struggles are. Because there's the narrative of mental health, fitness, stress tests, flu vaccines, like all of that, is at the forefront. But because the parenting piece is quite emotional and personal and people can be very private – we're not shouting about it.  

So therefore, leaders mightn’t be, or employers mightn’t be fully aware of what the needs are. And when I have that sales call with a new client we look at, right, well what are employees talking to HR about? What are they talking about to occupational health about? What is coming to your door, what's being discussed in your office? And sometimes they don't know. And also their priorities are elsewhere. And that's where you often see subgroups of, you know, parenting groups, and the ERGS and you’ve got the EAPs. 

But it's getting to the crux of, actually, what are people on a human level, on an emotional level, what are they struggling with? And that can often be the resistance. It's just they don't know and it can be just quite genuine. CEO's and leaders, they want to keep, attract their best staff. And a higher percentage of that staff are working families, so like post COVID, people's priorities are changing and whether leaders believe it or not, creating a family friendly workplace is really key, a real priority to avoid that burnout and reducing parental overwhelm and the feelings of guilt like we mentioned, it's trying to look at that balancing.  

And there's no easy, straightforward answer, but it's balancing work and life and family life. So to overcome that or to encourage reducing that resistance – if leadership knew that the support that I've been talking to you about today, if they knew it would improve, enhance, maybe work life balance – and that would be different for each and every one of us – increase productivity, reduce the stress and burnout. And improve morale and create a sense of community. Would that be enough to consider additional support or buy in? 

It can't be a tick the box action. Because I've been working with families all my career, I come from an emotional level as well – I run my own business, but I'm also a parent myself so. That's how I feel about it anyway. 

Cathal Divilly: Yeah. No, listen, the business case is there, right, innovation, creativity, project completion, performance, it's all there, for sure. I know it is for many a personal, for all a personal subject, right. And then COVID came along and whether we liked it or not, we started welcoming people into our personal lives over Zoom. 

Aoife Lee: Yes, kids and dogs and everything! 

Cathal Divilly: Dogs and cats and all of that, right. So post COVID, I know we’re a good bit out of it, but like just thinking about workplaces, if some are remote, some are hybrid, some are flex, is there any tailored approaches needed depending on the type of workplace you are and how you’re showing up? 

Aoife Lee: Yeah, you know, mentioned there about hybrid working and I have seen it and I've heard it. It has been a real game changer for a certain demographic, that being working parents. We're seeing a huge demographic of younger employees that maybe are just in those early stages of the career, and they are struggling and they are expressing loneliness when it comes to hybrid and flexible working. From my perspective and the clients that I'm working with, it has changed people's lives, and they have said to me, I don't know how I did it going into the office five days a week. 

Now, we're hearing some of the bigger companies are talking about the five-day return. I think we've a lot of employees sweating at the idea of that. But then at the same time, when you have that requirement to go into the office, people love that connection with their colleagues. And there's also that productivity of having your whole team in the same room in that one-to-one or being face to face. 

I think it's definitely a big conversation that people are having right now. But I do know that when people are seeking work, they want to see that the employer is not only supporting that mental and emotional wellbeing, but also there's that flexibility and that understanding. Because it absolutely has been such a game changer for families. So we have to keep an eye on that narrative and that big conversation that's currently what we're hearing about, that returning to the office. 

Cathal Divilly: Yeah. OK. So it's going to be interesting how that plays out, right. We're all trying to figure it out, right, we're all figuring out the right approach. We recently welcomed back a key leader in the business, Fania, from maternity leave. We definitely worked with Fania around kind of what would work for her in terms of back into work and all of that, it was something we thought about. What about that moment people are returning back, we'll say from maternity leave. Is there anything specific a workplace needs to think about Aoife? 

Aoife Lee: It's recognising that parents and carers can be quite vulnerable. They're adjusting their mindset, and it can be terrifying, you know. What I would say is, and for a lot of my clients, it's not just about having that meeting just before they’re about to come back. It's preparing before, it's linking in during and it is checking in afterwards and just minding them. Because that mindset of when you're in that baby bubble or you're dealing with the franticness of older siblings, etcetera, and going back into work mode, it is a huge transition.  

So while historically, let's say parental leave has been very much focused on mums, it's also important that we acknowledge the dads as well, and to adopt a more inclusive and equitable policy recognising the importance of that shared parenting responsibility. But it is really minding our mams and dads when they're returning after work and after being on leave. Or career leave as well. And whether that is linking in with someone that can mentor them on that return.  

And it goes back to that open-door policy; who can they go to, who can they speak to? What are they working towards? Are they concerned about their career development? Is there an opportunity to upskill or reskill? Confidence can be quite low level. And just because they left skipping away very excited, it's quite daunting returning and it's recognising, acknowledging that they're human at the end of the day and they know they're being looked after and they're cared for. It can make all the difference in that transition for them. 

Cathal Divilly: Yeah, it's a critical moment that return. It's a critical moment, then the ongoing piece, because life can be hard, challenging moments, challenging moments with kids, whatever that is. How does the manager and leader show up for that person in that moment is often between building trust or not building trust. 

Aoife Lee: Yeah. We're not going to connect with everybody in our lives, both personally or in our workplace or our colleagues. And that's a reality. 

Cathal Divilly: Are we not all best friends, no? 

Aoife Lee: Well, are you best friends with everyone? Do you know what, wouldn't that be amazing? But as we know, it's not life and that can be quite stressful. 

Cathal Divilly: Yeah. 

Aoife Lee: Because I suppose when a team leader's looking after a team and they're not really too sure how to approach something, we need to look at that as well. It might be showing vulnerability in the leadership, but it goes back to – we're all human at the end of the day. But if someone feels like they're being looked after, whether it be at a management and leadership level and those that are on the ground working their magic, there's a lot to be said for those positive appraisals and that ongoing feedback. 

I kind of see it as when we've got kids at home, they have different personalities and temperaments, different ways of coping with conflict, communication. Like it's funny, when I present my sessions and I talk about communicating with the kids, I have got employers come back to me going, I can actually use this with my team, because it's all human emotion and human behaviour. So yeah, it's just recognising that often it comes down to the basic fundamentals. It's just how we communicate that and there will be times where it'll be tougher and we'll be challenged. So yeah, it's not always easy. 

Cathal Divilly: One of our clients, Aoife, Core, they've been on a bit of a journey in terms of building trust, right, and they started many years ago. They've positioned their people strategy around meeting people, all their people, at the life moments that they face, the good moments and the bad moments? And then everything they do is tailored underneath that strategy, which I think is a really good way of positioning it. And they kind of rule practices in or out based on that clear positioning which I love.  

I might be putting this the wrong way, Aoife, so forgive me, but future trends or things that workplaces need to be thinking of in the next few years when it comes to being a workplace that's friendly and supportive of parents. 

Aoife Lee: Like we've mentioned already a number of them; the parental leave policies becoming more inclusive, having the conversation with dads encouraging paternity leave, there's that pressure of and outside the work norm of dads leaving to be on paternity leave for fear of it impacting their careers, the same for women as well, but it's being inclusive of that. Also the hybrid flexible model – may that continue for as long as we can. Increased focus on mental health and wellbeing – and I know wellbeing and wellness, it can be talked about a lot, but actions speak louder than words. I mentioned earlier on, families and parents and carers, they're increasingly looking for employers who care about their mental health, their emotional wellbeing, balancing and acknowledging that work and family life that we've been kind of focusing on so much. 

So investing in mental health resources. And like that, we have the EAPs and we've got all the different days that we celebrate, but it is about being consistent and following through. So there is access to and for my case, you know, opportunities for that parent support and that family support as well as the individual counselling and the stress support. So definitely an increase in focus on mental health and wellbeing. 

And again, I mentioned there about the reskilling, that career development for parents because we have many parents temporarily leaving the workplace, scaling back on their career, maybe due to caregiving responsibilities, looking after an elderly parent, or maybe one of their kids having a really difficult time. Maybe they've taken some career leave. But when they return, they're often faced with that challenge in career development that everyone's moved on, and there's that kind of self-doubt and the lack in confidence. So it's what does that rescaling and that upskilling – what are those opportunities in the workplace, flexible training programs, mentoring, return to work programmes.  

And I'm conscious that this will be very different in every organisation, in every company. But there's a lot to be said for reviewing and making sure  I know I'm talking all about the family support and there’s a lot more out there, it's not just about the working families. And I think a lot of companies are conscious of that, that they don't want to be putting all of everything into one area. But why not give everybody that wide berth and know and recognise that diversity and inclusion, it's not just that one day in the year. 

Cathal Divilly: And as you said, Aoife right, like if you really understand your demographics and your people's needs, well then you're going to show up and have supports for all your people, right. And it's not it's the wrong approach just because not everyone is a parent that you choose then, well I'm not going to do something in the area of parenting. So I think that's quite important. 

With all the work you've done, Aoife like is there any standout moments that you can think about, male or female, maybe somebody that came to one of the tailored programmes and any moments that are stand out for you in terms of maybe a change in behaviour or even an understanding of more of the challenges? 

Aoife Lee: I think what's lovely about the parenting series that I run and facilitate;it's so lovely to see the same people return on those sessions, recognising the names and the faces if the cameras are on. And it's like they're coming back for more. And more so the standout for me is always that feedback, which is always really important because it allows me to tailor, enhance, improve my content and what I deliver. And to hear that what I have been able to provide and support with employees, that has made a difference in dealing with a scenario at home. They've went home, they've tried it and it's actually worked. That's the empowerment bit. It's like, you know what, actually, it gives them that encouragement. And while it's maybe nothing to do with the accounts that they're involved in or, you know, the really tough conference call they were on or the deadline they have to meet. It's still real life for them. They still have to go home and deal with it. So it's often the feedback, I guess that is the standouts. 

So if anyone is listening and you know they are considering that family piece, I'm always open to chat and I always will tailor – I'll always work with, what's your demographic? What are the needs? What are your employees looking for? And then kind of run with that. 

Cathal Divilly: Yeah. So it's a tailored approach. How do people reach out to you? Obviously we'll put it in the posting as well Aoife but how do you want people to reach out to you? 

Aoife Lee: Yeah, so a lot of my information is on my website, parentsupport.ie. I mentioned there, I do a lot of TV and radio, so if people want to get a little look at what I'm like in my style and my chats and my content, I’ve a lot of samples there. I'm also on LinkedIn at Aoife Lee and then my company's Parent Support. So I regularly update my work on that. So I'm always very open for conversation so yeah, that's where you can get me. 

Cathal Divilly: And Aoife, you're part of the Great Place to Work community here, right? So I want to thank you for joining us. Like the work you're doing is so important, right? It's the right thing to do but it’s the right thing to do for performance. It's the key element of any wellbeing strategy out there. And I know organisations are always looking for something new to add that meets their demographics, right? This is a key element.  

It's not just for your existing people, it's also about talent attraction. If we do something well in this area as a workplace where we can show up in terms of the talent market and storytell the work that's being done here, right? Because remember that talent are always watching us as well in terms of what are we actually like, will this organisation show up for me in that time of need? So you're doing superb work Aoife and really enjoyed the chat. Thanks a lot for joining us. 

Aoife Lee: Thank you so much, Cathal.